These Phrases given by A Father That Rescued Me as a Brand-New Dad

"In my view I was just in survival mode for twelve months."

Former reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the challenges of being a father.

But the truth quickly turned out to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health problems surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her chief support as well as caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I took on all the nights, each diaper… every walk. The role of both parents," Ryan shared.

After eleven months he became exhausted. It was a chat with his own dad, on a public seat, that made him realise he needed help.

The simple words "You aren't in a healthy space. You require some help. In what way can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His situation is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. While society is now more accustomed to discussing the pressure on moms and about post-natal depression, less is said about the difficulties new fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his difficulties are linked to a broader inability to talk amongst men, who often absorb damaging perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It's not a display of failure to seek help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, says men frequently refuse to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not justified to be asking for help" - most notably ahead of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental well-being is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the opportunity to ask for a break - taking a few days away, separate from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He realised he required a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states as well as the day-to-day duties of taking care of a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she needed" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son better understand the vocabulary of emotional life and interpret his parenting choices.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked consistent male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, long-standing emotional pain caused his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "bad decisions" when in his youth to alter how he was feeling, seeking comfort in substance use as a way out from the pain.

"You find your way to things that don't help," he explains. "They may temporarily change how you feel, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Strategies for Coping as a New Father

• Share with someone - when you are swamped, speak to a family member, your spouse or a therapist how you're feeling. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the activities that made you feel like you before having a baby. This might be playing sport, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - nutritious food, staying active and where possible, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your mind is doing.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - listening to their stories, the messy ones, along with the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help isn't failing - taking care of you is the optimal method you can look after your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the loss, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead offer the safety and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the feelings safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men since they faced their struggles, transformed how they express themselves, and figured out how to control themselves for their children.

"I'm better… dealing with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I expressed, sometimes I believe my role is to teach and advise you on life, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding an equal amount as you are in this journey."